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Isolated at work and not included in socials

I’m feeling isolated at work. I know female co-workers participate in sports and social events after hours but I’m never included. I’d like to let them know I’m interested but is seems awkward. Any advice for me?

It’s not surprising you are feeling isolated and it can be especially upsetting to be surrounded by cheerful colleagues who have plenty of social involvements.

Making friends – even valued acquaintances – is complicated and I’d hesitate to be overly prescriptive; there are, however, a number of approaches you could consider,

I am presuming you are one of the newer hires so it is possible that most of the relationships have already been formed. If you are somewhat younger than other co-workers, you may be seen as a person with different interests.

While it may feel somewhat awkward – to use your word – to let them know you’d like to be involved in some of their activities, you will almost certainly need to be forward. After all, they have yet to invite you to join them.

So, being proactive will be essential but you could consider employing some approaches that would make any plan less intimidating for you.

If there is one colleague you might consider to be a friend start by building bridges with her. If, say, she is a jogger – and that is something that interests you – you could mention it casually and see how she responds.

Remember, too, that you are probably noticing the more organized conviviality when in fact there are likely other smaller and less obvious relationships that may welcome you.

You could even start your own sporting or social activity! While the thought of taking such a bold initiative may concern you, it would allow you to be in control and issue the invitations. You might be surprised who accepts!

With a little research you can find out what activity might be popular. Suppose you learn that no one is involved in, say, a reading club, you could suggest it.

Of course, your basic goal is to make friends where you work; friends generally have common interests so be aware that your co-workers cannot be forced into being involved in a sport or recreational activity that really doesn’t fit them.

Your feelings of isolation need to be addressed but it will require initiative. Don’t expect the current situation to change without putting an effort into connecting with co-workers either through individual contact or perhaps through arranging an activity that will create interest and participation.

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