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My boss gave me an expensive-looking watch for a gift recently. I’m a single woman, quite a bit younger, and he is married. He has always been very well-mannered but I feel that I should give it back. What is your advice?

I sense this gift has come as quite a surprise which is probably the primary reason for your uneasiness.

In addition, any gift – especially if it is costly – may reveal a friendship that might not have previously been apparent. In general, we only give gifts to people we like.

While it is encouraging he has been well-mannered, as you put it, he nonetheless has demonstrated quite tangibly that he values you: the watch is jewelry, after all, and it will presumably remind you of him every time you look at it.

The value of the watch is somewhat significant but not necessarily critical. It may look expensive but perhaps he purchased it used or it could even be a well-crafted “knick off” which are readily available from internet stores.

In any event, he is likely aware your reaction would be one of astonishment. You don’t mention how he presented it to you, but I would guess it was done in private, perhaps in his office.

You apparently accepted it – before reflecting on the implications – so now you are having second thoughts.

I would recommend you keep the watch but only if you feel it is not a symbol of the genesis of a more intimate relationship. He is married, after all, and is your supervisor. A close friendship would not be appropriate.

If you are already wearing the watch – which he has noticed – it will be rather difficult to simply remove it and hand it back to him with little explanation.

If you are privately attracted to him – notwithstanding the boundaries that will need to be respected – the act of keeping the watch may also send out a potentially complicated message.

Should you decide to return the watch, be gracious and respectful; you don’t want either of you to feel awkward or undervalue your good working relationship.

The decision you make should be guided by your impression of what the watch symbolizes. If you worry that he may have feelings for you, return the watch; if, however, it is purely a gift –a way of thanking you for doing a good job, for example, then you can probably accept it without any concerns.

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