I Kissed A Co-Worker

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We recently had an office party at a local hotel and at the end of the evening I kissed a co-worker.  I like her and we’re both single but now I’m feeling very uncomfortable.  What should I do?

Kissing is complicated because it communicates a variety of emotions.  I would guess you are feeling self-conscious about this physical display of affection because you were observed.

You imply this is the first time you kissed; however, you probably would be feeling relatively relaxed if it had been done in private, perhaps as you were both leaving the hotel or in a vehicle.

Colleagues who observed you kissing will now make some assumptions about the relationship and unfortunately might even invent some gossip to be shared with others.

In any event, the kiss is now public knowledge and many of your co-workers – including your supervisor – will be hearing about it informally.

The other dimension to the kiss is that you have used a well-known act to communicate an affection; you initiated it which, in effect, has demonstrated you like her.

If the kiss, on reflection, was somewhat premature, you need to acknowledge the error which you can’t blame on the party atmosphere, or alcohol, for instance.

If she was surprised by the kiss and yet apparently welcomed it – which you’ve observed in the way she now communicates with you – you’ll need to consider her feelings: she could be becoming attached to you.

These two dimensions to the kiss will need to be addressed separately, on the assumption they are both relevant.

In the case of the observable nature of the kiss, I would recommend you refrain from any further public acts of affection.  You should also make every attempt not to mention it, even to friends.

The interest should ultimately subside and although you will be aware that some snooping co-workers may continue to have an interest in what occurred, you should just focus on your work responsibilities.

Your friend should be treated with respect.  If it is your intention not to pursue the relationship, at least at this time, you’ll need to be candid yet sensitive.  If you would like to “grow” the friendship, tell her.

Most friendships, romantic or otherwise, begin at work.  It’s not surprising therefore that you like her (and perhaps she likes you).  Honor her through discretion and don’t allow your relationship to be a source of unwanted interest, even gossip.

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